I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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