Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
