she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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