If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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