He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
