I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
