What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
