I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
hell yes lets make some ravioli
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
