how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
