I looked at my own cervix.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
