I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
