Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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