I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
