Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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