ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
