She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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