is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
if only i could text you this smell
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
