he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
