Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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