Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
