Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
