got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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