i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
