if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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