chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
