If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
