Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
