You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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