you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
