I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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