Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
