I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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