Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
