Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
