lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
