Screwed.edu
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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