This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
