You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
