I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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