i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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