i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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