If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
