you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Ladies don't puke and tell
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
