You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
