Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
