We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
