Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
