u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
