she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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