I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
