This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
