Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
