I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
