Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she smelled like a LAN party
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
