super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
